What Can We Fit In My Hole?

What can we fit inside Nev’s hole?

Not too long ago, you may or may not recall, I wrote on here about the expanding hole in my trousers. One little tear quickly became a brute of a hole, torn right across a buttock and unnervingly near the crotch (especially unnerving for anyone so unwise to be looking there when I sit down). The hole is big, and pretty much puts an end to the life of these trousers come the day I eventually get off this drillship (estimated Jun 2008). And it occurred to me – just how big is my hole?

So I put it to the test. Please, read on, and see if you can guess what will and what won’t fit inside the gaping hole in my trousers.

Here, first of all, is the hole itself.



We begin.

Number 1: The Pen. Does a pen fit through the hole in my trousers?

Verdict: Yes, very easily.

Number 2: The remote control. Does a remote control fit through the hole in my trousers?

Verdict: Yes, very easily. I’m still trying to think of a way I might put this to practical use.

Number 3: The cup. Does a cup (plastic) fit through the hole in my trousers?

Verdict: Yes, without problems.

Number 4: The 1.5 litre bottle of water. Does a 1.5 litre bottle of water fit through the hole in my trousers?

Verdict: Yes, easily. This will likely also apply to 1.5 l bottles of other liquids.

Number 5: The kettle. Does a kettle fit through the hole in my trousers?

No! Well, not quite, but that’s because of a few strands of thread just holding it back.
Verdict: A moral victory, but a no for now.

Number 6: The hardhat. Does my hardhat fit through the hole in my trousers?

Hmm, again the threads hold it back. Would it pass through without them?
Verdict: Not yet, but one for the future.

Number 7: The pillow. Does a pillow fit through the hole in my trousers?

Verdict: Yes, but it needs to be rolled up tight.

Number 8: The laptop. Does my work laptop fit through the hole in my trousers?

Verdict: No.

Number 9: My own leg. Does my own leg fit through the hole in my trousers?

Verdict: Yes, up to just above the knee. Not quite thigh-size yet, and we can see by this that there’s no way I could fit my entire person through the hole so I’m not even going to try.

Number 10: The chair. Does a chair fit through the hole in my trousers?

Verdict: No, of course not. Don’t be stupid.

There we go then, my hole is safely bottle-sized, likely hardhat-sized, pillow-sized with some effort, but definitely not laptop-sized.

Further game suggestions welcome.

Please.

( 22 days on this rig now, the last 19 without work, and still no work for the foreseeable future. “The Smiler” was downmanned yesteray, so I am now alone)