Flat 4

As from today, I am now the proud owner of four flats.

Yes, while I float around somewhere in south Atlantic, doing absolutely no work whatsoever (and with nothing on the horizon for another week), processes have been in motion back in Aberdeen that today sees me acquire my fourth flat. And in contrast to my purchase of my previous three, this one has been astonishingly hassle-free and smooth. A good thing too, as I’m not really in a position to act if things were to get hairy.

For those familiar with my Aberdeen existence, likely you will be vaguely familiar with this flat, as the previous owner until was Green, aka The Swish Fish. A chance conversation on the way to the pub many months ago led to a mutually beneficial deal being struck, that now sees Green move into a swanky West End premise fit for a young professional with disposable income, while I am lumbered with his old decaying property in the hope of getting some innocent students to pay me money to live there.

In fact, his flat – sorry, my flat – isn’t so bad, as long as you avoid the windows, the boiler, the bathroom and the rotting roof. But this is all par for the course for me now, and I’m mightily relieved that floor and walls won’t need done, as I seem to have spent all my Aberdeen year doing those in my first two flats. Windows and rotting roofs are the preserve of the professional, so just need some phonecalls to get someone, and I may do the bathroom myself, but only if I can be bothered. I quite fancy a break to be honest. I’ve only been home 70 days this year, and these 70 days have been either spent AT THE GODDAMN OFFICE, working full steam on my flats, or visiting family back in Dingwall. When I do eventually return from Brazil (mid-November?) I’ll have about a week getting my first flat finished and then, I pray, I can take a little rest.

That’s wishful thinking, of course. Firstly, that I’ll ever get a week back at home, and secondly that I’ll have time to rest. Because I still have my third flat – where I allegedly live despite not having spent over four hours there since getting the flat on August 1st – to do. It has no power, no furniture, needs new windows, central heating, new walls, new floors... you get the idea. Luckily, I may have help here, as I may be joined by two lovely ladies that I have agreed to give free rent for a year in exchange for daily molesta... um... cooked meals and arranging workmen in my absence.

But today is not for dwelling upon my other flats, today is a celebration of my new flat. Two new bedrooms, a new kitchen, a new living room, a new bathroom, a new horse (or is Justin taking that with him), and four new blue chairs. I just hope the roof hasn’t caved in by the time I get to see it all.