With my property empire running smoothly and not requiring daily input, I have turned my muscular financial bulk to the world of stocks and shares. As you may have noticed, those of you who closely follow the news, the entire world has caved in on itself upon realising all the money we had was actually just pretend. Thus, my helping hand was required, and from my network of savings I have pumped money into the London Stock Exchange, to the tune of about £100, about six weeks ago. This is how I have progressed:
My first investment was in "Caspian Holdings PLC". My reasoning for this investment, of £25, was somewhat obscure, based upon a stocks and shares TV programme I used to watch about ten years ago called "Show Me The Money". In this lunchtime programme, company overlords would come on and try and "sell" their company to teams of people buying pretend shares, with the knock-on effect that loads of city people on their lunchbreak would promptly buy their shares for real and substantially boost the value of the company by the end of the half hour show. One such company, a small one, was called Atlantic Caspian, which had something to do with oil, and for some reason it remained in my head. I recall the shares being worth about 15p each. Well, now this company has turned into Caspian Holdings PLC and the 15p shares were a bargain 1/2p. What better time to invest? I bought a bumper 4741 shares. My £25 is now worth £21.33, but it should be noted that as this was my first investment online I mistakenly bought immediately rather than the cost-effective delayed way, which cost me £8.50 rather than £1.50, thus my investment of £25 was only £16.50, and thus my loss is actually a profit. I feel I am very quickly coming to grips with how money actually works in the modern world.
My second investment was something called "NCC Group Plc". I have no idea who they are or what they do; my reason for purchase was because NCC are my own initials. And they've done me proud. My 16 shares, costing me £48.91, are now worth £52.64. If I had invested £489,100, I would have made £37,300. Not bad for six weeks work.
Finally, my third investment was in Tullow Oil PLC. I have no idea why I invested in them, as I've never been on a job for them, and have no insider information either. This lack of nous might be why my two shares costing £18 are now worth just £15.72. I think this may have been an unwise investment, but intend to stick it out until I'm back in profit.
It's a step up, I think, from the online betting I did last summer, while on a job. Here I lost £50 on one bet, when the Polish netball team came back from 2-0 down to beat the Brazilian netball team 3-2! Who could have predicted that? I quit in anger, as it demolished all my good work betting on the darts, and learnt a sage lesson.
Anyway, that's all. In other news... nothing. I wake to the same grey surroundings daily, ignore the dull eyes of the same dour faces in the corridors, sit in the same seat in the same grey unit for 12 hours, and relish the oblivion of sleep, my only escape. Every day is a day less of my youth, a day closer to the inevitable oblivion to which there is no awakening. I have seen the future, and it is here, for evermore, on this featurelessly bleak Groundhog Day rig.
Bye for now!