Not Required

After four days of 16-hour shifts, in hot and wet weather; surrounded by loud, fat, brash, aging, incompetent “Gawd-damn” Americans; enduring tough, physical, monotonous work over-and-over again as a result of others’ incompetence; on a cramped, beaten-up, filthy, hazardous drill-ship packed with lizards and mosquitos; the second last thing you want is an email bonanza, one saying your mortgage for your recently-purchased flat has fallen through, and the other informing you that essential repairs to your bathroom will cost £8000.

The last thing you want, of course, is a 45-minute monologue, without pause, from a wobbling imbecile about the snake-gators he invented and the Herculean trials and tribulations of setting up business selling said items in China, at a loss, in great and intricate technical detail. Followed by a lecture on the possibilities of converting this “hunting accessory” into the lucrative gardening market as strimmer legshields, for Hispanics.